April 23, 2013

My Dearest Miss Bennett-SterlingCooper,

I am of cautious temper, and unwilling to risk even the most insignificant cell within the whole of my multivariate test matrix in haste. But, I can bear this no longer in silence.
I love your bottom line. Most ardently.

I am completely, and perfectly, and incandescently in love with the discreteness of your Chi-Squared results.

You must know… surely, you must know I have loved none but your front-end pre-hypertext processing development capabilities. It is your passion for unstructured data alone that can statistically validate my intellectual loins. I can assert to you, with a degree of confidence that is equal to or greater than 95%, that your approach to social media attribution is indeed heaven’s last best gift to data-driven marketing.

I offer myself to you, now, with an analytical heart even more your own, than when you first grabbed hold of it during the launch campaign of Q-3, some 2 score and ought years ago. You pierce my spreadsheet. I am half agony, half hope. You could not have bestowed your endearments on a more mathematical nerd as me.

I can hardly write. I am every instant feeling something which over powers me. It is my empirical heart pounding with the very thought of you, too good, too excellent marketing creature. You do believe that there is true attachment and love between marketing and data in this world. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in

Fitzwilliam Data

(With all due respect and necessary apologies to 18th century romantics and authentic marketing data analytics professionals everywhere, this is the second installment of the DMA “See Data Differently” series as part of our newly relaunched National Center for Data-Driven Marketing (NCDM).

Join us at our annual “big data” conference, NCDM: Where Marketing Meets Big Data, and SEE DATA DIFFERENTLY.

The National Center for Data-Driven Marketing program features new keynotes and exceptional speakers.  Join us at NCDM: Where Marketing Meets Big Data. December 9-11, 2013, Las Vegas, NV.

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